July 30, 2005
"You girls are going to die of “choleramorbis” if you don’t stop eating all those cucumbers.”
Grandpa Marriner gave this stern warning to his girls, Ruth and Esther, every time he caught them sneaking into the pantry to raid the pickle bowl.
No one ever really knew what choleramorbis was but it sounded nasty enough to scare them away.
Yet, who could blame these girls for wanting to “founder” themselves on heavenly sliced cucumbers, deliciously seasoned with vinegar, sugar and onion.
It was better than candy.
And, there sure wasn’t much candy to be found anywhere back then in the 1930’s.
Pickles would have to do.
Another generation later, my cousin Bill Kneale and I, were likewise nabbed red-handed eating sweet-and-sour lime pickles from a huge crock in my Aunt Esther’s kitchen.
Grandma Marriner caught us, but she really didn’t mind much.
When I say we were eating pickles, I mean we were really eating pickles.
Couldn’t get enough of them and still can’t to this day.
Now, canning season is here, and lots of folks are mastering the art.
As summertime rolls around, people in town and country alike start canning. Some can vegetables and fruits for necessity, some for nostalgic reasons, and some because it may be a bit “Martha Stewart chic.”
I will tell you one thing for certain though, if you canned when you were a child like I did, you will never escape its hold on you.
One day in late July and August you may wake up feeling perfectly normal, but before the day is done you will find yourself searching frantically in the basement for old Mason jars.
You pull out cherished family recipes and start to wonder if you have any coarse salt left over from last year.
I suppose it is no different than gardeners who get that March “itch” to plant peas and potatoes long before spring has officially arrived.
Sweet-and-sour lime pickles are clearly both my joy and my downfall. Certain times of the year, these pickles, or, merely, the thought of them, control my days.
Since it’s pickle time right now, forgive me for being preoccupied.
You have to understand that lime pickles take three days to make and there are lots of steps in the process.
Later in the year, when my supply of home-canned pickles starts to dwindle, about January, I get very stingy with my remaining jars.
At Christmas, you may get a pint or even a quart as a gift, but after January, you will be out of luck. I am hording those pickles and stay out of my pantry, thank you very much, until mid-summer when a new crop will be ready.
Make no mistake; I’m dead serious about this.
Serious enough to make Martha Stewart proud!
Finding enough cucumbers to can is not easy and not at all like finding fresh zucchini. Everyone gives you zucchini and most of it goes to waste. On the other hand, trying to find precious enough cucumbers to can is not a simple matter.
Some neighbors and friends help in the search for cucumbers, but mostly, they just give me grief.
For example, last week my neighborhood girlfriends had an afternoon “tea party” at Kathy’s pool. We each brought tasty hors d’oeuvres and yummy, cool summer drinks.
Before the tea party, however, I was admonished to not get too fancy. They told me not to show up doing my Martha Stewart impression like I did around Christmas time. Admittedly, I did get a bit carried away then making gift baskets of candied orange peels.
I suppose they thought I’d overdo it again just because I have been dabbling a bit in the kitchen lately.
All I have been doing is making mint syrup from my herb garden before the mint wears out, canning corn from nephew Gerald’s patch while it’s at its peak, and making three-day lime PICKLES!
The nerve of them to suggest that I might be doing my Martha Stewart impersonation again!
For now, please excuse me, as I must take a break from canning pickles to return the “Martha, Inc” DVD (starring Cybill Shepherd) before the video store closes.
